Worst reasons to Vote Obama

1. A black president will give racist hicks ulcers.
2. The Ying Yang twins could get appointed to the justice department.
3. I don't want to look at that thing on McCain's face anymore.
4. His wife could take Palin in a fight (just look at her arms)
5. The presidential limo might get sweet rims and a flame paint job
6. It might make Bill O'Reilly stroke out and get off of TV. (see reason 1)

Just leav'n this here

Cyanide & Happiness

Paranoia

In the world of Windows spyware and virus problems being a part of life. Even if everything is fine and you can't see a problem yet Spybot and Antivirus say you have problems.

So how do I know my other internet connected devices don't have those problems? My laptop uses Linux which is supposedly impervious to those problems so I never check.

My PS3 and PSP are always downloading crap from the play station network now but there is no anti-malware software for those.

How am I supposed to know that the folding at home software built into my Ps3 isn't hijacked and working as part of a botnet? It's software made to crunch numbers and transfer packets in the background. That's a perfect client for an attack botnet if I ever saw one.

As long as it could calculate your bandwidth limit and stay at 40% of it every PS3 in the world could probably be doing DDOS attacks and you would never notice a problem.

Thanks Linux Journal

I just had a consumer experience that worked out pretty well for me. It started on September 30th when my mom decided to get me a two year subscription to Linux Journal magazine. She got it as a birthday gift for me since my birthday is at the end of October. She also paid by credit card so that I would get an issue as soon as possible.

My birthday came and went at the end of October with no magazine in my mailbox. I thought this strange since I had ordered Smart Money magazine for myself and it showed up in about a week. So two days after my birthday I emailed customer service at Linux Journal. They confirmed my shipping address and let me know I wouldn't be getting my first issue until December.

I thought that the turnaround time on this was pretty lousy so naturally I complained on my blog. That's normal isn't it? I didn't think anyone was going to read it I was just venting. Well someone did notice my blog post. The publisher at Linux Journal posted a comment asking me to email her my address and she would send out the current issue.

So I sent her an email and five days later I have an issue of Linux Journal magazine. I was totally surprised at all of this and I really appreciate it. I post on the Linux journal website and on one of their employees blogs, but I didn't think anyone would worry over my one subscription.

It just shows that there are good companies and good people out there.

minor problem

Massive Shopping Cart Fail by Two Morons - Watch more free videos

I'm not Hardcore

In the last two years I've been getting into console gaming a lot more. I don't think I will ever reach the fanatic level some people are at though. There is an ad running right now telling people to buy Gears of War 2 at the Gamestop midnight launch. The only extra you get for standing in line is a download code for a gold gun.

First I don't buy from Gamestop because they open all the games even supposedly new ones. Secondly I can't imagine who would stand in line at midnight for such a minor thing. The only game I ever stood in line for was my Wii and that was only because they were so hard to buy for months after the launch.

I can settle for being a middle of the road gamer. I'm still recovering from being a cheap PC gamer that hardly ever paid for games.

Well hello internet

What do you think?

Just for kicks here is something to look up. Google around and check what the average middle class income was 30 years ago. Then check what it is today. Last go look up an inflation rate chart from 30 years ago to today.

If you really want to dig deeper just read any of the articles that google returns when you try to search for anything with US middle class in the search.

For anyone who reads this and then doesn't bother because you know what your going to see and just don't want to deal with it, FUCK YOU for being part of the problem.

Magazine Shrug

My Mom got me a subscription to Linux Journal for my birthday. I'm not going to get my first issue until December even though she ordered it in September. Yeah I know Linux journal is just what everyone wants right?

I don't mind waiting since I put off buying a subscription all year. It's just screwy because I ordered Smart Money magazine and my first issue showed up 1 week after purchasing.

The magazine world must have a lot of difference in shipping models. Most of the time I end up with two issues of a magazine in the same month I sign up.

Wow it's been a while since I made two posts in one day.

DirecTV's Fake hold Estimate

The phone system at DirecTV made a liar of it's self twice last night.
I called after work with two questions about my account. The automated system told me they were experiencing extremely long wait times and it would be faster to use their website or phone system rather than wait for a person. I was ready for a long wait and pressed 0 for an operator. A person picked up in less than 10 seconds.

I was pleasantly surprised and got a quick answer to my billing question. As soon as I hung up the phone I remembered that I also had a second question about my account. So I called back and got the same message about abnormally long wait times, however they worded it. I pressed 0 to get a rep and again the call was picked up almost immediately.

My guess is that DirecTV is just leaving that message about wait times to get people to use the website. It must be working since I had no wait on hold at all. However if anyone really needs to talk to a person hopefully they won't be put off by this fake message.

Burfday Thoughts

Another Year

Well I'm a year older now since my birthday was yesterday. I'm in the short end of my 20's now. This is probably a good time to make some changes to my life. I could stop doing all the questionable and bad stuff.

I ought to stop smoking for one. Drinking so much should be on the list as well. I guess if I'm gonna go for sainthood I should give up the porno and software piracy.
Well I'm not going to go that far.

A few less smokes more water than beer and some salad would be an improvement at this point.

Pumpkin Madness

Guess which ones I carved!

Carving Pumpkins

In honor of our pumpkin carving event tonight here is an awesome clip.

Conference Pictures

I'm still hanging out at a conference. The view is really nice here this time of year. Oh and as an added bonus Douglas Adams wrote the emergency exit instructions in my room.

Confer about a Conference

I'm sitting around at a conference waiting for things to start. I'm not sure why the call it a conference. The definition of confer is to have a conference in order to talk something over; "We conferred about a plan of action".
Except when you go to a conference you don't confer with people. you just sit and watch presentations. Maybe they should call it a talked at instead. I went and got talked at is more literal than saying I went to a conference.

Anyway It's a nice place with good food and I have two days to beat Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops.
Freaking nifty

Write In Candidates

Don't like either choice for president? Well you can always write in a person of your choice. I have some ideas that are funnier than just writing in Mickey Mouse.
Vote Turd Ferguson because he has a hat.

You could also pick from the silly name category. Mike Hunt for president, Craven Morehed, I.P. Freely or Ron Paul would all work.


Personally I'm going to vote for the Shamwow guy. He's so fast the camera guy can't catch him. I think the guys real name Squinty Squintok.

Medical Bong

I finished my last breathing treatment tonight. I still feel like I have bronchitis though. At least I'm done sucking steam out of this silly tube.

Office Space is a great movie

". . . we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements."
--- Peter Gibbons, "Office Space"

Have a Random Picture

Is the guy screaming at the flower? Maybe the flower was screaming at him?

Five Steps to Economic Panic

1. Pull all your money out of stocks. Close your IRA even with the big penalty and make sure to close all your bank accounts. Banks can’t ever be trusted again.

2. Invest all your money in gold jewelry from the pawn shop. The Forex market is too complicated so just buy gold looking jewelry.

3. The recession is obviously going to end with the collapse of society so buy guns and lots of ammo.

4. Make sure to keep all that cash hidden in a sock or some other flammable container like a shoe box.

5. Spread the word to other people. Let everyone know that the only way to help the economy is to pull all your money out of it. Remember to never trust anyone who wears a suit ever again.

ProTip: The target audience to spread your message to can be found at NASCAR events.

Our Economic Troubles are over!

A serious and sane person who frequently gets abducted by aliens, has a message for us all. Admiral Acbar from the galactic federation of apple sauce is causing all our financial problems. This is happening so that galactic overlords can overthrow the Illuminati. In all honestly I stopped paying attention because I was laughing so hard. Here's the link to Anal McProbies blog of predictions. Listen to NOT A CRAZY
RANT for yourself before the mothership gets you at the URL below.

http://10-14-08.blogspot.com/2008/09/galactic-federation-and-ashtar-command.html

I got a sickenss upgrade

I started out with cold/flu 1.0
Today I got upgraded to bronchitis 1.8 Beta

Soon we could be looking at pneumonia 2.0

This came from Fark.com

Worms Wii Review

Worms is one of those old standby games that you can pick up after a while and it's still fun, until now. Worms a Space Oddity for Wii makes terrible use of the Wii remote. The game play weapons and story are all pretty generic. If you played Worms on any other platform you're getting exactly what you remember.

The problems with the controls make this version unplayable for these reasons.
1. When you try to look around the map you can't control the camera view.
2. It's hard to control your weapons power level.
3. Controlling the back flip jump is not possible at all.
4. The motion controls for weapons feel like a cheesy afterthought.

Let me explain #4 a little more. Some weapons bring a UFO to fight for you which is cool. Instead of selecting the attack and having it happen you have to bob the wiimote up and down. So some attacks make you look like your jacking off the wii controller.

My conclusion is that Worms a Space Oddity on Wii sucks. Worms is a fun game though, get the PSP version it's a lot nicer and you don't have to jack off a remote control to fire weapons.

The Flu

Right now I'm sick and stuck at home. I laid on the couch and watched TV long enough to realize that daytime TV is horrible. It's like a punishment for not being at work.

From about 9am to 2pm I was forced to see Billy Mays about 15 times. In that time he used his inability to control the volume of his voice to try and sell me 9 different crappy products. The best one was a bottle of super glue that he claimed would repair fabrics better than just sewing them. He even went so far as to suggest fixing a parachute with super glue.

Thats right Billy Mays actually advocated jumping out of an airplane with a parachute held together by super glue. I would be willing to bet that this crap couldn't hold together a model airplane let alone a real parachute.

So then it's on to the Lifetime lesbian feminist channel. No surprise here it's a crappy movie with no name actors about women who get back at their cheating elitist husbands. In typical lifetime style the women band together to expose their husbands as cheaters. Then they decide to stop shaving their legs, invest in an all flannel wardrobe and start muff diving at the bearded clam.
That last part probably isn't true I'm afraid if I watch the lifetime channel for more than 10 minutes my penis will fall off so I moved on long before the end of the movie.

I popped over to CNN just in time to see president douche monkey making a speech about the bailout bill getting passed. So I decided that I should get some rest and recover my health so I can go back to work and make that tax money for the federal government. Theres no time to have the flu when I need to pay off 700 billion smackers of someone else's bad debt!

Classroom fun

Adorable or MOST ADORABLE

Just try and find something with more awwwww factor than this.

How to lose a job in 10 seconds

See more funny videos at Funny or Die