That is all

Have a little faith

Today I had my whole world turned upside down. I was on my way to work and the roads were nasty. There was a mix of slush, snow and ice covering the road. I was puttering along in 4th gear doing about 40mph. My car was sliding all over the place every time I hit a patch of slush. With no anti lock breaks in my aging beater of a mini hatchback I was staying away from traffic as much as possible.

Then I came around a curve in the road to see two sets of headlights coming at me about an 8th of a mile away. Some SUV driving #$%^#*& renom was trying to pass someone and failing at it badly. The SUV was ever so slowly passing but the back end kept kicking out. For a few very long seconds I thought I would need to hit the ditch to avoid a head on collision. I was slowing down but in these conditions there was no way I would be able to pull off the road safely in time.

So with only a few yards left the SUV finally managed to pass and my threat of a head on colision was avoided. I was left relieved and pissed off. I was thinking about how much I hate SUV drivers who have no idea how to drive in snow. Then I was mad that there's never a cop around when you need one. At that point a miracle happened. The car that the SUV passed flipped on hidden police lights and pulled the moron SUV driver over! The SUV driver had passed an undercover cop car and now had to deal with the police over being a moron!

I don't think unmarked cop cars are a good thing but in this case I'm okay with it. For once there was a cop at the right place and the right time.

Swiffers are a Scam

Okay I'm apparently the only person on this bandwagon but I'm going with it anyway. Swiffers are a complete scam. The swiffer takes a product that can be used thousands of times ie a broom, and replaced it with something you can only get one use out of.

Without even making the argument of how effective it is just think about that. You take a broom that lasts for years and replace it with something you have to repurchase every time you use it. Same thing with the swiffer wet and even worse the wet jet. Instead of a broom and a bucket you have a special jug that you can't refill, pads you have to replace each use and the damned thing uses batteries!

Why the hell are so many people sold on this stupid thing? What they did is brilliant though. They took a broom and mop and made shittier versions of them. Then they marketed it as something that's an improvement. Except instead of maybe $20 a year for a broom and a few mop heads your spending $5 - $15 every week for refills.

Thank god I don't have to bend over and use a dust pan anymore or empty a mop bucket! That shit was ruining my entire life. Now I just spend money every week on lame ass pads that don't pick up crap! Thank goodness for the swiffer.

Lost Skills

It's amazing how fast you lose skills when you stop practicing them. A few weeks ago I went skiing after a few years of not doing it. It was like I had never done it before. I fell and fell and sometimes just skid on my chest.

Then last night I took apart and rebuilt a computer. In my days working at a PC repair shop I would rebuild a computer in about 25 minutes. Those skills are use it or loose it as well apparently. I spent 3 hours putting parts in the wrong places and losing screws before I got everything together. To add annoyance to the whole thing the computer still doesn't run right.

This whole thing about skills going away concerns me. If I ever need surgery I'm going to make sure the doctor didn't just get back from a long vacation.

Oh bloggy I missed you too much. I don't have time to blog but whatever I'm doing it anyway.

Today when I was walking into work I saw a sign for a self help seminar. It was called "Building A Better You". I assume they mean literally so I came up with a list of improvements for rebuilding myself.

1. Titanium Biceps
2. Gills
3. Crocodile Teeth
4. A Monkey Tail that holds a laser pistol
5. Reciprocating Hydraulic Penis

With these things I should be unstoppable, or at least more fun at dinner parties.

Pause Blog

Well it's been a while since I posted because I have been trying to get my priorities straight. Right now my college night classes are starting again and I don't have much time. I hate to feel that I'm just neglecting my blog so I'm making up an option of pausing it.

I will get back to posting the funny and the obscure after the semester is over.

For now I will hit the ==PAUSE== button.

Joke Time

A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

"Methodist," the man says.

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

"Religion?"

"Baptist."

"Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."

A third man arrives at the gates.

"Religion?"

"Jewish."

"Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."

The man says, "I can understand there being Different rooms for different religions, but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 8?"

"Well, the Catholics are in Room 8," St. Peter replies, "and they think they're the only ones here."

GM still isn't getting it

I saw a commercial today for a new redesigned Buick car. It's sporty and stylish looking and the announcer said it's attracting younger buyers. I thought one of the massive problems at GM is that they have to many lines of similar cars.

Old people buy Buick cars not me. Why would I go look at a Buick that I associate with old people if I wanted a sporty car? When I see Buick I think of old farts driving 10 under the speed limit and that stupid boring golf tournament.

So GM is going to spend money it doesn't have to try and redesign a car line and change my perception of it? This is why my next car will be a Toyota. I want to buy from a reputable car company that makes products it's customers like. I don't want to buy from a company that obviously has no idea what the consumer wants.

craigslist scammers

Right now I'm trying out being a seller on craigslist for the first time. So far the results are laughable. I got a reply to my ad right away from an obvious scammer.

The email was in broken English promising full payment without haggling at all. I replied just for fun to see what would happen. The next email said that a friend of the scammer would come pick up my item and give me a cashiers check.

I checked the craigslist scam FAQ which said to never take a cashiers check because it's always a scam.

So now I have a drum set for sale with nobody but scammers interested in buying it. Maybe I can sell it to that guy in Nigeria whose got all that money in a British escrow account.

Skool Buses of Doom

I don't know if I'm imagining it but I swear there are more school buses on the road when I'm late for work. I think they also take longer to turn off their red lights when I'm late too. It's like those kids have a conspiracy against me and they drag their feet getting on the bus when I'm running behind.

Somehow this is part of a plot against me. If I'm late the terrorists have won.